i don't fall in love. love is that single word that some people hinge their entire existence on, like without it they will starve and become emaciated, slowly withering away, and maybe they will - it's how dependent they are on this intangible feeling that none of them can describe. in most cases, i've noticed, they're more in love with the idea of love than they are with the person to whom they've pledged their undying love.

a note: i don't think i've used the word love so many times before. ah well.

when i get close to someone, very close, like so close that after a while i can't remember what it was like not having them around, i love them, unconditionally, you might say. i love them so much that if i were presented with a choice that i had to make, if i were forced to choose one of these people, i couldn't do it. even the choice between the very close friends and the ones i say i'm in love with would be impossible. i think i'd rather die than have to go without any single one of them.

i guess what i mean here is that i would do absolutely anything for them, and there isn't one of them for whom i would do anything more than another.

i don't know, then, what makes you so different. why are you special? i just can't figure it out.

the trouble is, with emotions at least, that there's no rationalization here, and any attempt to do so usually just makes everything worse.

so look, i love you, and everything i said to you is absolutely true. but it's not any more true for you than it is for them, okay?

i think this is the issue here, and even though i hate to say it, hate to show my vulnerabilities, this is it:

she'd love the whole world if it'd give her the chance. she'd love the world and feed it chicken noodle soup and make sure it put on a sweater before going outside.

yes, yes. i'd take care of everyone if i could, i really, really would. even though i act as if i'd let the whole world go to hell, i wouldn't.

i forget what i was trying to say here. shit.

song: "trouble is ..." - kenny wayne shepherd band