i go through this shit every year. wanting to get in contact with old friends, who i parted with on less-than-good terms. god dammit. i know it's just that we grew apart until we hardly had anything in common, and that it's just incidental that we somehow ended up taking the worst course of action to break it off.

i honestly tried to be friends again. seriously. and it was hard, and it felt forced and stilted. god. i started the whole thing by telling her lies. and i couldn't be honest with her even after that. so what the fuck? what was i supposed to do, just keep it up?

and so here i am again, wanting to put myself in contact with her again, and the means is right there. it'd be so easy. i think i will, because you know what? we went through some of the hardest shit together, and i can't just forget about that. i can't forget that for years, she was about all i had . and while it's not hard to realize why we're not friends anymore, it is difficult to deal with when you think about that person as much as i do. it's not like every second of every day, but usually at least one or two thoughts pass through my head every few days or so.

maybe i just want a chance to properly explain myself. who knows.

here we go.

song: "mohammed" - the dandy warhols ... yeah, again.