i used to live on an island. it wasn't as great as it sounds. the best part about it was spring.

despite the fact that i am very much a child of the winter, i love spring. and fall. i love all the seasons, really, except summer.

springtime on that island was the best, because the tourists hadn't started coming yet and it was warm enough to just lounge around outside, maybe go to the beach. i hated the beach, but i'd still go down there, because the waves were nice, and it was really a beautiful island. when the day was right, and the sun was at just the right angle, the water would be this excruciatingly beautiful green and blue.

the island was one of the coastal islands of north carolina, you see, and between the island and the mainland is the sound, which is just like the ocean except calm and shallow. the sound was great to look at too, coming over the bridge, the same green color as the ocean, only much more placid. sometimes it looked like glass.

there's a neighborhood there, on the mainland, that's right there on the sound. there's a docking area for boats and such, and there was a house way way in the back, right on the water, that was the most beautiful house i'd seen in a long time and looked like the house i wanted for myself one day. there was a huge weeping willow there, and other, smaller trees. flowers all over the place, surrounding the house in its own private jungle. and there would be the water.

i went down there one night, an exceptionally clear and bright night, with the stars visible for once and the moon brighter than it's ever been in my recent memory. i turned the car off, left the radio on, and listened to "when the levee breaks" (led zeppelin song, which you should definitely listen to if you haven't) and just sat on the hood of my car and looked up. i could have fallen asleep there, if i'd wanted. that was one of the truly good nights i had while i was there, in the middle of a really shitty time. of course, what wasn't a shitty time when i was living there? and that's a rhetorical question, so don't bother answering. the entire three years i was there were just shitty and as close to unbearable as a situation that i've ever lived in.

but that's why i secretly liked that island. because of the sound, and because of the feeling i got when i was at the beach late late at night, looking over the water that goes on for 4000 miles, looking up at the sky that goes on for-bloody-ever. as close to the void as i've ever gotten.

i sat on the beach with her once and just smoked with her, talking, snuggling up next to her because it was january and absolutely freezing. i think i liked her, once, like seriously liked her, stupidly. we're not even friends anymore, which is probably better.

i was kind of sorry to leave, because i knew i'd never ever get back there. i miss that beach at midnight, the way it feels to stare directly up, craning your neck until it aches, to see the moon.

song: "when the levee breaks" - led zeppelin